One of the greatest actors in the history of film has passed away, his exquisite portrayals of such classic characters as Marc Antony, Ben Hur, and the astronaut George Taylor forever immortalize him as a colossal giant in a sea of mostly undifferentiated poseurs. He was a conservative radical in a festering cess-pool of liberal fascists, a brilliant orator and an ever resilient champion of the Constitution.

As a little tribute, here is one of my favorite Heston soliloquies, pontificating on the non-issue of global climate change. Superb.

Rest in peace Mr. Heston, and rest assured that contemporary Hollywood will never be able to erase or fill the void of your tremendous legacy.

Charlton Heston, October 4, 1923 – April 5, 2008

It cannot be refuted by even the most insanely imbalanced liberal that William F. Buckley Jr. was bar none one of the single most influential and staggering intellectual forces in American history. Here’s a little ensemble video tribute, it’s the least I can do to remember such a tremendous and impressive person, R.I.P. sir.

An encompassing, hour-long Charlie Rose retrospective.

The infamous, perennial and still incredibly timely and applicable Buckley-Chomsky debate.

The great and glorious Panama closing speech.

Finally, Buckley’s exquisitely superb essay on the affirmation of God.

William Frank Buckley Jr.

November 24th, 1925 – February 27th, 2008

And the calm placid chill of Christmas Eve reverbrates with the echoing, illuminating soliloquy of azandi…

Yep, heres the Christmas special I alluded to last week, and it takes the form of a reprise in the halted blogcast series, the first new installation in nearly 3 months. Enjoy, and have a happy and safe holidays/Christmas/Xmas/Hanukkah/Spaghetti Monster Communion/whatever other denominational seasonal festivity that may exist.

Yes, I do it to spite O’Reilly.

Keep it prog, see you guys next year.

On this joyous day of opulently superfluous in number cuisines, latent gluttony, inebriated family reunions and all-night camp out fortifications anticipating that elusive first place in line at electronic stores saturated with Black Friday bargain bliss, we sometimes forget to truly pay our tributes to those aspects in life that have touched our lives, in one way or another. So today I think I’ll attempt to offer some points of gratitude to where they are due, where someone in question has overtly improved the well-being of humanity. Lets begin.

-Let us give our deepest and most heartfelt thanks to the endearing valiance and fortitude that is the United States Armed Forces, whom in the past few weeks have all but coordinated the utter disintegration of AQM and the expulsion of its auxilary theocratic gangster corps. The war is not yet won, but a major battle has concluded with the side of justice illuminated in the blindingly glorious light of victory. Though some inept liberal foosl may not realize it or not, the imminent total eradication of the forces of Zarqawi from a geopolitical power nexus point like Iraq explictly makes all our lives safer, and everyone should be incredibly grateful.

-We must also offer our praises and thanks to those native Iraqis whom have demonstrated their capacities to reconcile the thousand year tribalist theononsense fault lines which had triggered the schizmatic festering violence which has mired Iraq for the past few years. In the face of seperatist goons like Maliki, those Sunnis and Shia who have manifested their desires for a peaceful conclusion to the violence and an emulation of the shining pinnacle of Wolfowitz Doctrine success, Kurdistan, must be be respected, and we must give our thanks. The road is still quite long and winding, futures uncertain, but the reconciliatory movements emerging in the last few weeks can give everyone, even a cynical defeatist surrender-profitieer leftist, hope.

-Let us give thanks that Hillary Clinton has dropped in the polls, and while the margin is still slim, the chances of a diabolical chronic liar like herself becoming the next Communist in Chief are just that much slimmer, and everyone should be grateful for this fact.

-Lets give thanks that the Disney Corporation has been severely wounded as a consequence of the admittedly ludicrous writers guild strike. Such an immoral, child exploiting, classic franchise raping, trademark whoring, non-talent profiteering monstrocity of a media outfit and grotesque maiming of what was once a great company should be wholly reviled, and any harm is inflicted upon it should be thanked. Disney isn’t good for America, they’re a vicious and shameless black mark on the red, white, and blue tapestry, and its demise should be something everyone should be gleefully anticipating.

-And finally, let us give thanks to the crippling gashes the American public has slashed against the aforementioned mediocrity mobsters of Hollywood, whom have been all but discredited and disgraced when all three of their explictly treasonous filmographic bile works Rendition, Lions for Lambs, and Redacted were colossal box-office flops. Heres to the utter dissolution of this glorified circus expo under the guise of a serious theatrical community, a cultural implosion everyone should be thankful for.

Well, there you have it. Here are some things everyone has been blessed by thi syear, whether they realize it or not. Take a moment and truly be grateful, your life has unalterably improved in quality because of the preceding capitulated events. Make some serious contemplations of gratitude as your thanks.

And then stop acting like a Zen Buddhist wimp and hoard yourself with turkey and yams to oblivion. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

The following is an original work of satirrical fiction in the name of the Halloween spirit, a first of its kind for TDP. Enjoy.

It slept.

For eons the Beast slumbered, even in sleep challenging the wretched fool who would dare to disturb it. Forged within the most abysmally wretched edifice designated to Hell, the unimaginably hideous creation of an unholy clan of Cenubite druids and nihilistic neo-Satanist masters of the Sadist occult, a mortifying atrocity that struck fear into even Cthulhu, a profoundly ghastly creature that wass so abominable that it revolted even the Dark Prince. So much so that he expelled it from his fiery domain, sentenced to resonate its aura of unending indemnity and soul torment into the far reaches of conceivable metaphysical conception. The Abyss, the Darkness of Existence, the Dimension of Non-Reality, the Blackest Black. A petrifyingly empty void, a consortium of dark matter, a place where neither Gan nor God dared venture. This is where It was banished, for not even Hell was satisfactory enough a habitat for such a grotesque parody of life. Not even Satan was cruel enough to subject humanity to such an infinite maleovolence.

In being conscripted into chronicling the events preceding and following the Rupture, I am posed with an immensely precarious task. Linguistically describing what the Beast is and why it psychologically rends even the likes of celestial deities is an incredibly difficult proposition, attempting to capture to the most invariable accuracy the obscene lucidity of the creature’s essence with the lexicographic equipment endowed by our feeble primate language is a nearly impossible task. Such words as “evil”, or “demonic”, or “monstrous” are tame and childish, they cannot even come close to encapsulating the true barbaric ferocity exhibited by this soulless scourge of the cosmos. But to the best of my ability I will approximate for you the nightmarish conjuration that will soon lead you to contemplate suicide in futile hopes of escaping its wrath. Let me warn you, no teven Death can reprieve you of the relentless doomkind I ama bout to expose to you.

It was borne in a bottomless cauldron of gore and fecal matter. In its engineering, it is said the demon craftsmen templated it off of a duo of alleged humans from Earth: two child-raping cannibals by the name of Rosie O’Donnell and Ann Coulter, that was the inspiration for the enchanted broth of pure revulsion that served as the birthplace of It. The cultists had correctly adjudicated that these two practitioners of witchcraft were the most evil, soulless, and mindless vessels of pure cerebral-destructive power on the planet. So they swept down to Earth, respectively disguised as MoveOn.org and 700 Club prostitutes, captured the O’Devil and Coultergeist, and injected them into the repulsive bile. But the cultists could not have possibly conceived what the resulting regurgitation would be from their black magic dabbling.

You see, when you take two already androgynous, transexual brain-whores and fuse them together, the byproduct is……I can’t think of a formulation more damning than “nihilistically apocalyptic”, and even that sounds pathetic compared to the true horror of the matter. Those arrogant fools could not have possibly known what they were doing.

Because what stepped out of that acursed conflagration was a spectacle so incomprehensibly hideous and morally reprehensible that even these hardened sado-masochistic children of Hellfire were aghast to the point of self-annihilation. Each and every one of their ranks either tore their eyes and ears out and choked themselves with them, or used their eviscerated entrails to hang themselves. Thus was the staggering magnitude of the creature’s horror.

But you persist, what was it? What could possibly be so horrible? Again, the phrase “words fail me” is only worthy to be employed for such a circumstance as this. But I’ll try. The Beast was a ghastly three-headed sexless, bloodsoaked and blood-spewing mockery of the female form. Its gender was barely discernable, but seemed to be a vicious satire on all womanhood, with tentacles, razor-sharp nails, and other indistinguishable grotesquely fashioned appendages, some that resembled disgusting maws filled with rotting teeth, all protruding from the supposed regions of sexual organs.

But what was truly horrific about It was what was emanating from its three heads, this sick unholy trinity. You see, its true power was that it never stopped talking. Ever. It had the ability to perpetually sustain speech, mostly unintelligible but somehow piercingly mind-rotting and stupid. Out of its left-most head, the one that was based off of the O’Donnell, one could barely make out through the animal noise such decibel-viruses as “building 7…..conspiracy….khalid sheikh mohammad was framed….i’m a woman….”. From the equally blasted mug of the right-most head, that which was templated off of Ann Coulter, one could make out the ear-bleedingly snobbish, self-satisfied drawl of a she-beast promulgating something that sounded like “we must rape the earth…..iranians are arabs…….god hates stem-cells…..i’m a woman……..”. And on the center head, a diabolical hybrid of the two, one could hear the screeching audible cancer of a grand amalgamation of all this stereocide. And i never stopped, one would rather listen to the sound of a nuclear holocaust than to bear another second of this O’Donnell-Coulter cacophany of abject misery.

Thus is the Beast, a spawn of the most odious and universally despicable conceivable elements to ever even hope to exist within the mataphysical framework of reality. A metabolic machine devoted only to the task of self-indulgent annihilation, a gruesome Monument to Non-Intelligence if there ever was one. This was an atrocity far too loathsome for the bowels of Hell, thus Satan triangulated all of his powers to thrust It into the deepest and darkest boundaries of experience itself, forcing it to reclude into a an eternal slumber.

Well, almost eternal.

For it was prophesized that the Beast would rise again, that it would be awakened. What could be the harbinger of such an impending and armageddonist doom? What sort of force, transcending even the evils of the devil himself, could impel the beast to return back to our world to feast on our souls?

It was said that when a certain formulation of such stupendous stupidity and falsification was uttered, when a fatuous proposition of such cosmic proportions was phrased, that would be the key for the Beast to return, that would be the catalyst for Its resurrection. For only a monumentally ludicrous intellectual exercise in the expiation of the absolute rhetorical opprobrium could re-ignite the fires of the monument to stupidity.

But surely, no one could be that stupid?

But somewhere in New York, an Indian expatriate evengelical lackey who was so imbecilic and conceited that he openly cherished the Spanish Inquisition’s violent conversion of his ancestors began to speak.

“You see, Christianity has been persecuted by atheists, not the othe rway around. Christianity is the doctrine of reason, atheism is the doctrine of conspiratorialist foolishness, everyone knows that!”

The Beast, which had been dormant for eons within the timelessness of absolute darkness, experienced a flicker of sentience for the first time in a very, very long time….

Dinesh D’Souza continued, “did you know that Christnianity invented democracy? Its true! And Darwinism is just a silly theory that pales in comparison to the unparalelled reason and brilliance of Christniaty, did you know that?”

The Beast began to retain fragments of what seemed like consciousness….

D’Souza went on, “Einstein was a theist, everyone knows that. And the founding fathers were all Christian republicans. Non-belief is the domain of liberals and Satan worshippers.”

The Beast moved its hand just slightly, its first movement in an eternity.

“Us Christian conservatives need to abandon liberals and make an alliance with traditional Muslims against liberalism, then Bin Ladin will get off our case. Hell, he might even join our side.”

The Beast’s eyelids opened a slit.

“Evolution and science in general cannot exist without Christianity.”

The Beast regained its sensory-motor functionality, its craving for sould re-invigorated with a terrible new fury, it wanted to tear every soul in New York, nay, all of Earth, to pieces.

“Mother Teresa is the most moral person ever. She hugged a leper for crying out loud!”

It awoke.

TO BE CONTINUED HALLOWEEN 2008