The insipidly impetuous Mr. Thompson. April 30, 2008

Posted by azandi in Editorials, The Daily Intrigue.
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Jack Thompson is the universally ridiculed, self-appointed legal arbiter of morality in the videogaming industry; an attorney with a near uniformally failed track record, an irreverent and irrelevant empty-suit poseur whom seeks to make a profit out of tapping into the inherently fascistic psychological repository observed in liberalism, a philosophical outlook that desires to absolve parents of any concept of personal responsibility and oversight over what kind of media their children consume, in lieu of Orwellian consumer statism, wherein some board somewhere has the sole capacity to sanction what the children of America can and cannot watch. He’s an extremely dangerous and unscrupulous demagogue, but the reason you may never have heard of him testifies to how incredibly little traction, power, or influence this sorry dolt actually wields. He shows up on the news every now and then in coordination with the latest videogame release, slobbering on about how appalling it is to him that such things are sold, but no one really pays him any attention, and for good reason.

Well, he’s back in the news again somewhat, and this time in a particularly ludicrous fashion. Grand Theft Auto IV was released yesterday to tumultuous and undifferentiated acclaim and accolade, its been adorned perfect scores from gaming critic outlets across the board, and its been hailed as one of the most expansive, sophisticated, organic and dynamic video entertainment experiences ever designed. In all honesty, these games have never really been my cup of tea, but I’ve always had my respect for them; yeah yeah, you can solicit hookers and all the rest, but if our culture can revel at the sight of cerebral pornography the likes of the unforgivable ilk on MTV, or watch people being graphically eviscerated limb from limb in every new B horror movie, then pixel-sex is tame, at least for those of us who are equipped with fully developed cortexes.

Enter Mr. Thompson, who, in some sort of act of visceral rage at his complete incapacity to not only ban this game, but any of the previous installments in the GTA franchise altogether, has sent a letter to the mother of Strauss Zeinick, CEO of Take-Two Interactive, the game’s publisher. This is really too much, just Pythonian absurdity: what, is he approaching a corporacte executive’s mom as some sort of threatening gesture? Or is this a replication of what little kids did when they were in grade school (Thompson certainly has the brain of a whiny little racketeering self-righteous 8 year old starving of attention), literally “tattling” one someone’s mother? is this supposed to be an elaborate ploy to embarass Mr. Zeinick? Or, even more farcically, is Thompson trying to “plead” with the woman, impelling her to “reason” with her son?

Well, here’s one comedian’s interpretation. The ever-hilarious libertarian-minded online satirist extraordinaire Peter Coffin has come up with something I think likely accurately portrays Thompson’s underlying motives.

Come on Jack, you’ve already been disbarred, discredited, and forever immortalized as an object of infinite mockery and loathing by the vast majority of people who even recognize your name. You’re a fraud and a joke as a lobbyist, a complete bust as a lawyer and a failure as a human being. You’re a vapid and unscrupulous moron that barely matters and the very essence of your being and the mission you represent is infinitely more offensive and objectionable than the materials you endeavor to eradicate. The parents of America don’t need anyone dictating to them what their children are subjected to, those of us whom still regard the Constitution as the highest law of the land also believe in a little something that may be foreign to a simian lackey like yourself: personal responsibility. If kids get corrupted by violent videogames or sex-saturated movies or what have you, its the bankruptcy of the traditional, morally-accountable and nurturing family that is to blame. And part of the reason parents have become so lax and acquiescent in the raising of their own children is because of liberal fascist bastards like you who profess that they’ll do their job for them, that the cultivation of moral discernment is the responsibility of not families, but some bureaucratic minion of the state.

So not only are you an abject mediocre person in every respect, but you’re also causing the disintegration of the American family structure as a whole. Go ahead and do us all a big favor: censor yourself.

(By the way, the Ayn Rand reference wasn’t explicit or intentional, but it just so happens you share the name of Atlas Shrugged’s antagonist “Mr. Thompson”, whom also happens to be a low-life champion of statism. To think, you’re being regarded in such prolific literary company. Its the biggest honor you could ever hope to receive.)