Damn it there you go, Stallone and Schwarzenegger. He now has the endorsement of Rambo and Rocky and Terminator and “Dutch” Schaefer. If the raw logistics and facts of the matter weren’t enough to convince you to vote for the only man with the credentials and experience to move this country forward in the transcendent geopolitical struggle of our time, at least let the fact that you’re not a man if you don’t know exactly, without even a particle of equivocation or inhibition who you’re voting for convince you.

In all seriousness, this really is just too perfect, I’ve been a huge Stallone fan all my life, the entire Rocky series collectively represents a touchstone, sheer magnum opus, flawlessly executed piece of filmographic genius. First Blood is point-blank the greatest action film ever made, and the recently released Rambo IV (I refuse to refer to it by its admittedly nonsensical name…First Blood -> Rambo: First Blood II -> Rambo III -> Rambo? What the hell? And Stallone said the latest might not even be the last one, so what the hell is the fifth movie in the franchise going to be called, Rambo II?!) is absolutely brilliant, even at 60 John Rambo is one uncrossable killing machine.

His films have always reverberated with a resounding sense of patriotic love and exaltation of America, contempt and disdain for bureacracy and ungrateful liberals, confident and proud affirmations of this country’s brilliance and the fact that while it has made mistakes in the past, civilization wouldn’t last 5 seconds in this fural and carnivorous planet without it. Its good to know that such a formidable creative force, independent and unmired by the disgusting pseudo-intellectual idioms of the Hollywood left, is on our side. But all this does beg the phrase, “they just don’t make em’ like they used to”.

Back in the ’40s, a new comic book character saw his inception, Captain America. He actually templated the archetypal all-American hero, he defined it, and he was awesome. He kicked Nazi ass without hesitance nor remorse, he was uncompelled by the relativistic banter of anti-war detractors, he distinguished a clear, ideological dichotomy between right and wrong and acted upon it. He was proud to be an American, and brandished his iconic shield with valor and permeated his every action with stunning pride in what he was doing.

Then came the sixties, and with it the New Society regressive-collectivist philosophy, and a newly deformed Captain America. Exit right the sterling knight of liberty defending his country from the forces of evil, and enter left the emotionally-distraught, morally-confused, self-doubt ridden Captain “Not So Proud to Be” America, drifting through inner-city ghettos, ashamed and disgraced of his shield, posing such idiotically-artifical philosophical inquires as “maybe I should have fought less and questioned more?” and other such multiculturalist moral relativism inspired liberal drivel.

This is emblematic of the apparent demise of the objectivist, unapologetically heroic, pro-American synoptical protagonist and the rise of the sinisterly masochistic, flagranlty anti-patriotic fatalistic garbage the vulgar parasitic frauds and charlatans of the Hollywood elite have been regurgitating the bast dccade. Audiences haven’t “cheered for the good guy” ina long time, how can they? When most of the politically-centric films the likes of Lions for Lambs, Rendition, and Redacted portray Islamic fundamentalists as the “courageous, beleagured heroes” and Americans as “evil, corporatist, Christo-fascist villains”, what the hell is the response supposed to be? For good reason all these films have been stupendous box-office blunders, but the fact remains generally the only time anyone actually feels for the heroes and cheers for the victory is while they’re watching sequels to old movies that were framed under this classic formula.

America needs to return to movies portraying the unambiguated struggle between good and evil, championing a self-assertive, steadfast, and headstrong citizenry actually fighting for real justice; Rambo, Rocky, Die Hard, and of course the mighty Death Wish. We’ve seen great sequels to all of these excluding Death Wish, and Stallone is purportedly planning a remake of that. But we need more, we need a full psychological and philosophical re-configuration in the American literati and cinematographic community. Only then are we going to see a serious change in the aperture by which the public perceives the world.

Here’s hoping McCain, whom perfectly embodies everything great about America and its culture, will run up the Philadelphia steps. It’d sure make one hell of a Rocky-esque American triumph story, and god knows with all the trash we’re subjected to now in both movies and the body politic, we need one.