On this joyous day of opulently superfluous in number cuisines, latent gluttony, inebriated family reunions and all-night camp out fortifications anticipating that elusive first place in line at electronic stores saturated with Black Friday bargain bliss, we sometimes forget to truly pay our tributes to those aspects in life that have touched our lives, in one way or another. So today I think I’ll attempt to offer some points of gratitude to where they are due, where someone in question has overtly improved the well-being of humanity. Lets begin.

-Let us give our deepest and most heartfelt thanks to the endearing valiance and fortitude that is the United States Armed Forces, whom in the past few weeks have all but coordinated the utter disintegration of AQM and the expulsion of its auxilary theocratic gangster corps. The war is not yet won, but a major battle has concluded with the side of justice illuminated in the blindingly glorious light of victory. Though some inept liberal foosl may not realize it or not, the imminent total eradication of the forces of Zarqawi from a geopolitical power nexus point like Iraq explictly makes all our lives safer, and everyone should be incredibly grateful.

-We must also offer our praises and thanks to those native Iraqis whom have demonstrated their capacities to reconcile the thousand year tribalist theononsense fault lines which had triggered the schizmatic festering violence which has mired Iraq for the past few years. In the face of seperatist goons like Maliki, those Sunnis and Shia who have manifested their desires for a peaceful conclusion to the violence and an emulation of the shining pinnacle of Wolfowitz Doctrine success, Kurdistan, must be be respected, and we must give our thanks. The road is still quite long and winding, futures uncertain, but the reconciliatory movements emerging in the last few weeks can give everyone, even a cynical defeatist surrender-profitieer leftist, hope.

-Let us give thanks that Hillary Clinton has dropped in the polls, and while the margin is still slim, the chances of a diabolical chronic liar like herself becoming the next Communist in Chief are just that much slimmer, and everyone should be grateful for this fact.

-Lets give thanks that the Disney Corporation has been severely wounded as a consequence of the admittedly ludicrous writers guild strike. Such an immoral, child exploiting, classic franchise raping, trademark whoring, non-talent profiteering monstrocity of a media outfit and grotesque maiming of what was once a great company should be wholly reviled, and any harm is inflicted upon it should be thanked. Disney isn’t good for America, they’re a vicious and shameless black mark on the red, white, and blue tapestry, and its demise should be something everyone should be gleefully anticipating.

-And finally, let us give thanks to the crippling gashes the American public has slashed against the aforementioned mediocrity mobsters of Hollywood, whom have been all but discredited and disgraced when all three of their explictly treasonous filmographic bile works Rendition, Lions for Lambs, and Redacted were colossal box-office flops. Heres to the utter dissolution of this glorified circus expo under the guise of a serious theatrical community, a cultural implosion everyone should be thankful for.

Well, there you have it. Here are some things everyone has been blessed by thi syear, whether they realize it or not. Take a moment and truly be grateful, your life has unalterably improved in quality because of the preceding capitulated events. Make some serious contemplations of gratitude as your thanks.

And then stop acting like a Zen Buddhist wimp and hoard yourself with turkey and yams to oblivion. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.