Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadenijad has just awarded Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez with the Islamic Republic Award at Tehran University, the highest honor one can receive….

…in Iran.

“ahem”

Allright, so now things get a little prickly for the Iran war architects over at PNAC headquarters. Invade Iran, and not only do they risk losing Iranian oil, but also Venezuelan oil. Real predicament there, might take careful diplomatic thought, maybe we should think this one through, we can’t just go to war with two nations at the same time…hell, even China supports Iran, we’re making a vast plethora of enemies on every corner of the globe, lets not be rash k PNAC? Maybe we would even lose some enemies if we…lighten our foreign policy? Not impose our will on other nations so much eh?

“fuck that lets just bomb the hell out of em’ all!’” ~PNAC

Allright then.

Well, its pretty damn close. Liquid body armor will soon be on the market, and is expected to be used by law enforcement and armed forces worldwide in only a matter of time.

A hybrid of firm fibers and liquid polymers, the armor constitutes the lightness of a wetsuit, with the endurance of heavy armor, seamlessly hardening itself when hit by projectiles and other hazards, shielding the wearer from harm. Now all the US army needs is a Batman-esque utility belt, and we’ve got ourselves an army of superheroes!

…or supervillains, take your pick.

Quite literally, thanks to an Israeli bombing of a power-plant, 110,000 gallons of oil as spilled into Lebanese shores, affecting 85 miles of water, marking the biggest disaster in Lebanese history. You know, I detest environmentalists with a burning passion, but even I can see the criminal nature of invading a country, removing all order, and whats worse, directly causing a major environmental catastrophe, these are shameful actions on Israel’s part.

And apparently its not to watch tap-dancing monkeys and live videos of Iron Maiden concerts.

No, it seems that soldiers are uploading graphic videos of the battlefield in Iraq, and the feds are concerned that these vids  could propagate false notions about conditions there. Because whats more fabricated than war footage taken by the soldiers themselves right?

And PLEASE, I don’t want to hear any crap about “free-speech” from you neo-liberal commies out there. Everyone knows that free-speech is an inherent right granted to every American, save for the  poor kids  stuck in Iraq, who gives a shit about them  anyway?

Hmm, well, if this is what the matrix is going to look like….doesn’t sound that bad, pretty amazing, would be incredibly hard to distinguish between this and a real life model, more can be found here.

Yeah…..vector-mesh…very nice.

“If you wanna hang out youve got to take her out; cocaine.”

Dammit Eric Clapton, not that kind of coke! Get the hell out of here, go to a Cream reunion or something…jeez.

Anyway, two British bar managers have just developed a homebrew Coca-Cola clone that apparently harbors a distinct resemblence to the original thing, who’s recipe has remained a secret for years. The brewers aim not to challenge Coca-Cola’s hegemonic grip on the industry, but rather want to sell it at local pubs. Too modest, I’d milk it for all its worth.

And they’ve disclosed the procedure, so even you can try! Note, if your concotion turns into some bubbling monstrocity and blows in your face, I, nor the original brewers, are not liable for any damages.

At your own risk, here it is, you wanabee cola monopolist you.

Brew it yourself

NB. 1 batch of 7x formula will produce three batches cola syrup, or approximately 54 litres of cola.

Step 1: 7x formula:

Using food-grade essential oils, assemble 3.75ml orange oil; 3ml lime oil; 1ml lemon oil; 1 ml cassia oil (nb. reduce cassia content for next production); 0.75ml nutmeg oil; 0.25ml coriander oil (6 drops); 0.25ml lavender oil (6 drops); 0.25ml neroli oil (optional/removed due to high cost).

Using a measuring syringe, measure out the oils into a glass or ceramic container. Keep covered to avoid volatile oil fumes escaping. Then dissolve 10g instant gum arabic (equivalent to 22ml) in 20ml water (low calcium/low magnesium, Volvic is good) with one drop vodka – Cube uses Zubrowka. (Be aware that total quantity of vodka will be 0.0007ml per litre of Cube-cola).

Place the gum/water/vodka mix in a high-sided beaker – stainless steel or glass are best. Using a high-power hammer drill with kitchen whisk attachment, whisk the gum mixture at high speed while your assistant droppers the oils. Mix in steadily with the measuring syringe. Continue to whisk at high speed for 5-7 minutes, or until the oils and water emulsify.

The resulting mixture will be cloudy. Test for emulsification by adding a few drops of the mixture to one glass of water. No oils should be visible on the surface. You now have a successful flavour emulsion, which should hold for several months.

Step 2:The mixers

This makes two allied concentrates, Composition A and Composition B, which can be stored separately before being mixed into cold syrup with the addition of sugar and water.

Composition A

Mix 30 ml double strength caramel colouring (DD Williamson Caramel 050) with 10 ml water. While stirring, add 10ml 7x flavour emulsion (oils/gum/water mix).

Composition B

Mix 3 tsp (10ml) citric acid with 5-10ml water, then sieve in 0.75 tsp (2.75ml) caffeine. Mix thoroughly using a pestle and mortar until caffeine granules are no longer evident. The mixture may behave erratically, turning either white or clear for no apparent reason. If it goes white, add more water. Pass through muslin or jelly bag to remove any anomalies.

At this point, A+B can be packaged separately and later reconstituted into cola syrup.

Step 3: The cola syrup

2 litres water; 2kg sugar

Compositions A & B

Make a sugar syrup (mix in a cooking pot on low heat to dissolve quickly) using 1.5 litres of the water and all the sugar. Filter if unsure. Mix Composition A into the remaining 500ml water. Add Composition B, then the sugar syrup. You now have 3 litres Cube-Cola syrup or approx 18 litres cola.

Step 4: The cola

As required, make up your cola as a 5:1 mix, five parts fizzy water to one part cola syrup. Cube uses 350ml syrup in a 2l bottle of Tesco Ashford Mountain Spring. This cola recipe is released under the GNU general public licence.

And for more insight on the origins of this homebrew, read here.